2021: Apologising — Day 10

My best stories are seeming to come to me in the morning when I’m going to the toilet…and then I forget them by the time I come to write here.

Perhaps I need to write my ideas down or this is meant to be free flow — so maybe not.

Apologising didn’t come easy to me, it was something I had to teach myself as a teenager/adult. I don’t believe the behaviour was modelled for me, and that’s not anyone else’s fault, it’s just my memory of it.

I thought it was important I learnt so I started saying ‘sorry’.

It was icky at the start, but eventually it became easier.

That being said it can still be icky especially when I’m changing my behaviour.

I’m practicing the balance between family/business/me — it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing and I can find time in the middle to dance and laugh.

This isn’t an easy practice, and when I get into my work ‘zone’ because I’ve been full on in family time playing Roblox, I shut out the world and that’s not ‘fair’ on my family — especially when I haven’t said that’s what I’m doing and I’m sitting in the same room.

And it’s not their fault that I haven’t told them — I’m fully responsible — they don’t have to just ‘get it’ and ‘make allowances for it’.

So today I apologised to Chris when I ‘shut down’ into work mode, because I’m working towards finding the flow and whilst he’s amazing, and he creates the space for me, I still want him to be himself and not ‘shut down’ (go quiet because it supports me) because of it.

This is a work in progress, I’m not going to be amazing at it all the time but I’m excited to try and to find the balance — my balanced.

I might keep you up dated, depending on the daily flow :)

What am I proud of today?

• Apologising to Chris
• Watching Teddy sleep when he came to our bed — so beautiful
• Being open to new ways of being xo